Just another list…

Things I would like to accomplish before the new year:

Clean/organize the garage

Read the books that are collecting dust due to the overwhelm of school

Clean out closet and donate the crap

Journal more

Take at least 10 new photos and post them on here

Research advertising/portfolio schools

Go somewhere new outside of Boulder

Read for one day

Start a fire

Collage, paint, create!

Send out all the cards I have purchased over the last 3 months

Kiss more

Cook a gourmet meal

Find one more thing to be passionate about

The deal

This is the deal people.  I am feeling like getting out there and taking some photos so guess what?  Im doing it.  Putting it out there, here I am…  I will be back sometime this year with photos!  Well, at least in the next week.

Self, It’s me, I am here

For the first time, felt what it was like to feel me, authentic sweet me.  Ah, I feel good.  I feel strong.  I feel healthy and happy.  I am powerful!  I am not all those other things that I believed were me.  I am not her!  I would love to list all of these things I am not, why focus there anymore.  I have spent my whole life believing that was me and do not want to spend another minute confused about who I am.  Sure it is not over, I have only just started this process.  Man, does it feel good to feel me.  I love you me.

Day 17. I am not my mother

After some realizations this past week I have come to a new place of awareness. I am not my mother. Sometimes it becomes so clear, how we are our parents. The insecurities that I hold sometimes that I despise so much. The lack of commitment, lack of support, absence. It is so clear how some of these issues were passed on to me, against my will of course. So with further do I am releasing myself of these disturbing transfers. I am also contemplating on starting another blog, one only about my mother. Just some of the quotes of hers, nothing huge. I am going to make a list of all the things that she has transferred on to me and set them free.

Day 16

Sometimes things will come up in life that you may not really feel like doing. Sometimes you do these things just to do get it done. In the beginning you may dread the idea of it. Maybe its going to visit an older family member that keeps calling you by the wrong name. Maybe it’s hosting the in-laws for the weekend. You know, the ones that make you feel like no matter what you do it’s always done the wrong way. Or how they continuously tell you in in-direct ways that you are not good enough for their baby girl. Well, maybe these are not the best examples but for some reason these came to mind. Anyhow, every so often something comes up that I feel like I don’t want to do and then, when I do it, I am so happy that I did because it turned out so cool and awesome. Then I feel like I wouldn’t want to miss this for the world! Those times that I am speaking of, those times are special. I want to give those special times a name… something that says it all. Any thoughts, ideas?

Protected: Day 15.

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No post day.

Sometimes these days happen when you have nothing to post. It’s okay self, you will do it tomorrow.

Day 14. Unbound

Note to self

Sometimes things change, like people. You may grow out of your friends or they may grow out of you. When you recognize this you can either A. Be sad and maybe even beat your self up a bit. Or B. Realize that you can recognize this only because you your self have grown enough to see a bit more clearly. There is happiness in pain sometimes.

Day 13. Happiness

While I was walking down the street today a man, pictured above, stopped me and asked me to take his photo. I don’t know why nor did I ask any questions. Simply picked up my camera and snapped it. He was so happy! It was as if he waited his whole life for this. To see how happy he was, made me very happy. I am grateful for all that I have in my life and the moments that bring me more clarity. The great people who have come in and out of my life, I thank you all. Sometimes, even when things are so bad and you feel like you can’t go on anymore, if you find something that makes you smile, makes you happy, it seems to make all the other shit disappear. Not forever, just that one simple moment. Thank you to myself today for finding some light in what is so chaotically unclear to me right now and for my wonderful glorious life.